“Even now I'll see her looking at him, her eyes milky yet full of longing, and all he ever gives her is a gentle, absent nod. Perhaps this is the nature of true deprivation - a lifetime of love, tenderly spurned.”There are days when you wake up and a world seems a lonely place to be. Dozens of started books, movies - all unfinished. Every activity is not a worthy distraction from the thoughts swelling up my brain. I count on my fingers a few tasks that i could do, a few projects i could start - but creativity needs a sort of inspiration, or at least small doze of motivation. You can’t make yourself distracted if it’s just not working. Besides doing something when i am in this state makes me think it’s a pointless waste of time. It seems i withdrew more than i was able to give throughout the past month. I’m scared that this will be a prolonged state of non-wishing-non-willing-non-craving-for-anything. Right now, more than ever, i wish i could create something or find the strength for it within myself. Or at least try to loose myself in another person. That would be the second scariest thing to do right now.
― Jane Avrich, The Winter Without Milk: Stories
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